I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
