Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
