this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
