i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
