I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
