Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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