remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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