I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
