dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
