final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
