i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
