He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
