She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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