you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
