U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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