That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
