Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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