I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
