Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
