dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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