i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
