what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
