Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
false alarm, still single
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
