What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
