do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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