They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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