you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize