Cold hands, warm shart.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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