His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
