funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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