YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
