i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
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