: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
