I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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