he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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