so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
