we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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