I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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