Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize