So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
