He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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