Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
