but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
When are your genitals available?
I need to calm my uterus...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
