I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
