Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
