I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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