You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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