I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
