Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
