When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
