she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
