just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
