He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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