so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
