I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
