It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize