Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
