there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
