you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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