last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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