She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
