Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize