oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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