so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
