I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
