May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
