went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
