You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
