i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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