Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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