walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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