I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
only if we run a train.
done.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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