Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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